Friday, November 25, 2005

The Horror... The Horror

Well, hello to you, you jobless nitwit loser who's reading my blog! What are you doing here?

Not the most welcoming person, am I? But ha! Why should I be? I'm a crank! Did I pretend to be cheerful? Did I profess any virtues such as kindness and patience? Did I reveal any latent loveable tendencies? Did I not state, quite clearly and firmly, that I am a witchy witch who makes a profession of scaring little children and kicking puppies at the witching hour?! Ah! How the world misunderstands words… how it has unreasonable and quite ridiculous expectations of the best… er… worst of us!

While these and other such profound thoughts run through my noble… that is… ignoble mind, I’m planning quite a nice entry, actually. But the evil side of my takes over and I seem to have poured out my innermost thoughts and resentments. What is the world coming to?

Well, see, here’s the thing. Have you even had a limb cut off? Or, à la The Legend of Sleepy Hollow, perhaps you’re a headless horseman, blundering around on your horse, breaking your non-existent nose on low-hanging branches of trees? Hmmm… what was I saying? Oh yes! Have you…experienced any of the above or other such similar phenomena? Because I have, let me tell you. Three weeks… five hundred and four hours (yes, I used the calculator application on my computer and no, I’m no genius at maths.) For that mind-bogglingly long period of time, I had no access to the 'net. None. Nil. Zero. Nada. Pujiyam. Zero (in french this time). Well, what can I say? I survived.

But what I nearly didn’t survive was the shock of opening my email inbox. I mean, I had expected a fair and respectable accumulation of email. But no, never in a million years two hundred and seventy-bloody-two mails! Yes, I can see the look of mild interest or major boredom turn into that of surprise, astonishment and flabbergast-ment(??), even. But you don’t know the worst of it. (No, you don’t. You don’t because I haven’t revealed it yet. So don’t pretend!) Out of that mess emerged TWO personal mails addressed particularly to yours truly. I mean… the rest were my useless subscriptions to various cartoon strips, word-a-day, joke-a-day and book-discussion groups.

And this set me to thinking… I must’ve been really desperate for some reading material three weeks ago in order to do this to myself and subscribe to these newsletters and stuff! The only bit I like of that was the cartoon strips… my favourite little brat and cat… Calvin and Hobbes and Garfield. They gave me a few laughs.

Well, to cut an even longer story short, I just archived the whole bunch (and if you don’t know what archiving is… poor soul! Get a gmail account…) without reading. What else was I to do?

Hmm…so that’s the story of a really sad and pathetic series of unfortunate events in my life.

Now, begone! Leave! Shoo! Get lost! Git outta here!

LOL... Calvin... a guy after my own heart!

Disclaimer!

The opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of my employer, not necessarily mine, and probably not necessary.