R.I.P.

It just struck me that it's been more than a year since I started blogging. This led me to wonder if I've wasted a lot of web space and my time on this blog. What have I gained?

When I started, there were very few people I knew who blogged and the comments were few. But I kept blogging simply for the enjoyment if it and also because it was good practice for writing. Sure, I got a comment now and then and definitely got some irritating spam. But later, I roped a couple of my friends into blogging and somehow just found other Indian bloggers... and there were many more comments. So much so, I once had more than 30 comments for a two-line entry!

Blogging then began to seem to have a real community for itself, one with it's own rules and etiquette: comment regularly, not just when you have a new entry up and so want to attract notice; be appreciative and put negative criticism nicely so as to not hurt fragile egos; if not, have the courage to say what you want without going anonymous--most bloggers detest anons!; or just don't comment at all!; and, above all, to remember that what goes around, comes around, especially in such a small community.

But somehow, after a year of spacefillers, thoughts, jokes, comments and template changing, I got bored with blogging and eventually stopped. I've made some friends through blogging so I guess that's one good thing. I don't really care if my words are going to be immortalised by this blog or something equally dramatic. The blog has served it's purpose.

And now I guess it has died a natural death at the ripe old age of one. I might revisit with a couple of "ghost" entries, but I pronounce this blog officially dead. The pawprints are left behind in the sands of time :)

Before I sign off, I'd like to say, thanks for reading, commenting, all the support and enthusiasm.

From comp crashes to crashes. Bytes to bytes.

Rest In Peace.

Star Gazing

There’s something indescribably wonderful about a clear night. Like tonight. There’s no moon and since it’s 12.30 in the night, all the intrusive, jarring shop lights are, bless the stars (excuse the pun!), switched off for the night. With only insubstantial, light, fluffy clouds scuttling across the sky, the sky is so open and the stars are bright.

It’s only too easy to let the imagination run wild and think of our ancient forefathers looking up at nearly the very same sky and, inspired by it, writing their mythology based on the wonders they saw there. The fancy almost instantaneously creates a picture of the dying Keats looking up at the sky, yearning with all his heart to be an immortal, steadfast star and penning with the blood of his soul, his last sonnet. The very sight of a dark, endless sky conjures pictures of philosophers, saints and heroes staring upwards into the vast unknown, yearning for home, knowlege, divinity, inspiration! Although I know that more than the iron bars of the window–and centuries of civilization that gave birth to the buildings around me–separate me from those ancient men and women, it only takes a little bit of imagination and a glance at the beautiful night sky to take me far into other realms.

The little pin points of the stars shine like diamonds and only deepen the mystery of it all. Science fights for its say: Yes, in these ‘enlightened’ times, we do know that stars are actually brilliant balls of gaseous substance burning an unaccountable number of light years away. The mind registers as the eye sees the stars that the light from the star is so ancient that one of those stars is probably long dead, yet the light shines on. (The mind begins to hum stuff like, Shine on you crazy diamond!) But science can never really take away the mystery, the romance of ‘the starlit dome’. In fact, sometimes it deepens it.

I never come away from a star gazing session without feeling deeply humbled. Is there any greater proof of the insignificance of man than the knowledge of how huge Space is and the sight of the night sky? A star twinkles suddenly, very fiercely, and all I can think is, imagine how bright, how huge, how mindbogglingly hot it must be for its light to reach across the long stretch of dark space to this little blue-green planet, and these even tinier, feeble human eyes!

Only a step away from these thoughts are the thoughts of… other eyes. Other kinds of senses than are known to man, registering the very same phenomena from other planets. Across the unbelievable “out there” that we call space, surely there must be other life forms–or something beyond human definitions of life forms. Surely they must be looking up at the sky too, perhaps close enough to register the sun’s light. Would they feel the same wonder, the same sense of smallness? Would they want to discover all the secrets of the universe? And would they, as I do, step back from a window to say, let the universe keep its secrets?

Sure knowledge would take away too much of the uncertainties that open up the skies, not only physically but also in my mind!

Why, oh why?

You're a Hyena!

You have quite a sense of humor, though many others find it derisive
rather than appealing. You are perceived as being a coward, but actually have moments
of great bravery and have even stood up to those much larger than yourself. You like
hanging out in groups and are always making a lot of noise. Disney thinks you are an
idiot.


Take the Animal Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

Have you ever wondered...

Why rain makes the ground smell so good? Why you just have to continue talking to some people even at the wee hours of the morning with heavy eyelids and a parched throat? Why, at times, it's easier to just accept a lie rather than face the truth? Why toenails and hair keep growing and never give up, even though we cut them all our lives? About how you've waited for something all your life without even being aware of it--until it happens? Why the years go on and on no matter what happens? Why rules are so easy to break?

Ever wondered how fidelity could be possible? Why you can't just jump off a building and float gently to the ground? Why science often ruins the fun part of life? Why your left hand is longer than the right? Or vice versa? Why people keep insisting on believing in things without a shred of proof? At how faith works--or doesn't work--for you? Why your foot can't stop tapping to certain tunes? Why sometimes even the most earnest and passionate love leaves you unmoved and cold? Why grief fades in time though you think it never will? Why our deepest wishes are often the hardest to be realised? Why all of as are basically the same deep inside no matter which part of the world we're from?

Ever wondered why we wonder so much? Or why some of us have lost our sense of wonder?


Ever wondered why?

Why not?

Morality

Morality is the most unnatural of human inventions. It goes against the basic nature of man--the very instinct of survival and procreation! We think it's wrong to lie, murder and have indiscriminate sex because well... it's wrong. But isn't it a very basic instinct of survival--lying and murder to protect yourself and sex to procreate?

Now I'm not saying that I'm going to turn into a murderer or a liar or sleep with people whenever it takes my fancy. In fact, that's the point I'm trying to make. I cannot do all these things because today's society has deemed it immoral and even punishable because it harms the society.

So... it's survival in another level isn't it? Hmm. I seem to have argued myself into a box. Genius.

So much for the loooong post I envisioned. Ah, close this window and forget you ever read this! Unless you want to comment of course :D

The Joys of Depression

I firmly believe in the goodness of depression. I don't mean the long-term, suicidal depression that psychiatrists warn us about, which would perhaps also turn into other exotic mental illness, but the short term fits of 'down'ness that most of us go through. Yes, I believe, through eighteen-and-half long years of experience, in the cathartic effect of a good, old-fashioned, garden-variety pity party.

I truly think that everybody should experience the wonders of wallowing in self-pity at least once in their life time. I'm sure most people would know what I'm talking about: Those times when you think that the whole world is out to get you (when not even a quarter of the human population, [never mind other species] is aware of your existence) and that everybody hates you, nobody loves you, and let's go dig the garden for worms to eat. Somehow there's nothing as satisfying as that feeling! Now I'm not saying it's the same for everyone. I'm sure there are lots of variations in theme such as the I'm-too-fat tirade, or the I'm-too-skinny variation or the I'm-really-a-worthless-person thingummy, or the… well, you get the drift.

The best setting for these moments, I find, would be a dark room or an empty terrace or even a bathroom. As I said, there are variations. You can also get down in the dumps at the top of the Empire State Building (or the LIC building, a lil closer to home). Even trains maybe conducive to the gloomy atmosphere. Oh, and rainy days must be the best times for depression (unless you're an impossible optimist, or a Chennai-ite!). I mean, picture this...

Scene: Indoors.
A window. A windows seat on which sits a young/old man/woman. It is raining outside and said young/old man/woman has his/her face close to the window. In the background is heard weeping violins/wailing sax or simply a depressing song such as 'Why Does It Always Rain On Me'. A (theatrical) teardrop falls down the smooth/wrinkled cheek.

Y/O M/W: Sigh. Woe is me. Oh gloom. Sniff.

Well, I do hope that illustrated my point--the perfection that is rain when it comes to feeling lonely and abandoned.

I, for one, am a master of these mope-fests. I revel in them. I enjoy them. I am completed by them. I make it a point to feel martyred or victimized at least once a month. I mean, one has to keep up standards, after all. And it's awesome, let me tell you! So much so that when you start getting into a better mood, it's with great reluctance that you let go of the feeling.

However, while in these moods, you realize your great capability for feeling down--over nothing! So, the rest of the time, it's quite easy to be bouncy and cheerful because, well... You know you have those special moments waiting for you at the end of the road, where you can feel all persecuted, etc.

Blah.

Your face
A reflection
On the mirror of memories
Splashed with time's waters
Blurred, distant, fading.
The drops remain
Drying slowly
And then they are gone too.

Signs that you are addicted to blogging, have way too much time in your hands and seriously need to get a life.

You check your blog at least once a day, if not once every hour, for comments even though you will be alerted about any new ones by email.

You have multiple blogs even though you have no idea why.

You have blogrolled at least 5 other people and check their blogs out regularly.

You are constantly on the look-out for things to add to your blog to make it more "interesting."

You go through the day thinking at least once, "Hey, I could write a blog post about this!"

You actually recognise people better through their display names than their real ones.

You have learned the basics of HTML just to edit your blog template.

You are scandalised by anyone who doesn't particularly like blogging.

You have edited "comments", "links" and "archives" to suit the 'mood' of your blog.

You find that this post is not really funny but is eeriely similar to your life.

THIS IS A PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT:
-------------------------------------

BLOGOMANIA IS CURABLE IF DETECTED EARLY. IF YOU RECOGNISE ANY OF THE ABOVE SIGNS IN YOURSELF, PLEASE TAKE IMMEDIATE PRECAUTIONARY STEPS. YOU HAVE SEVERAL OPTIONS. THEY ARE (ARRANGED BY ORDER OF DESPERATION, MOVING FROM LEAST URGENT TO MOST):

Get some self control.

Get busy.

Get a life.

Delete your blogger account.

Unplug your internet connection.

Download a virus, crash your computer.

Throw away your computer.

UNFORTUNATELY, IF YOU HAVE THE LAST SYMPTOM (not finding the post funny, but similar to your life, etc.) IT'S TOO LATE. HAPPY BLOGGING!

Fitting in...

I can't. Have never.

Can you? Have you?

Insomnia

Thoughts claw at the mind, filling the brain to the point of bursting. Raw emotions flicker behind my heavy, sleep-deprived eyelids, forcing my mind from its stupor into a tired restlessness. Though the last ray of has light long since disappeared, the scorching red rays of fears and resurfacing nightmares pulse in my mind's eye as sleep eludes me.

I try counting sheep, but all I can think of are the comical sheep that jump fences from some long-forgotten cartoon. Yet the memory fails to elicit the slightest smile from me. I've lost count of the number of times I've tossed and turned. I take a deep breath, force my eyes closed and try to the think of nothing, to imagine me floating, light as a feather, in eternal nothingness. The guy in the book could do it so effortlessly. Hmm. Never finished that series--when is the next boo--? And, just like that, my eyes are wide open again, staring into the darkness.

The silence deafens me. The power failure silences the ac, the fan and the house is unnaturally quiet. The silence seems to press against my ears--so much so that if I let it last long enough, it seems to go 'ping' in my ear.

Light from outside make weird patterns on my walls. My imagination needs little prompting to spin wild images of unspeakable things from these patterns. The curtains flutter from a slight warm breeze. I force my eyes shut again and lie on my stomach--uncomfortably, as the heat makes the mattress stick to me. I mutter and wonder if the night will never end.

I throw pillows on the ground in frustration, then throw myself down too. The cool marble floor welcomes me like a swimmign pool, enveloping the body after a long hard day of work. I sigh... And slip into that blessed land of sleep.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

After typing this out and re-reading it, I feel strangely compelled to justify putting this up on the blog. So bear with me...

I know exactly what brought this on--one sleepless night, duh. I got up and took a piece of paper and started writing this down. Not as brilliant as some other midnight brainwaves, I'm sure! But whatever, just had to put it up for some odd reason. This will probably embarass me sometime in the future, but hey! I don't really like the future me. So ha! She deserves it! ;)

Oh, and do be kind in your comments.

On second thought, spare the kindness. More interesting that way!

Errr... Ummm...

Ok, this is a link ripped off vbk's blog, which says it was ripped off antickpix's blog and so on.

Sheesh! Does this mean no more toddy? Waaaaaah! No fair!

You're Love in the Time of Cholera!

by Gabriel Garcia Marquez

Like Odysseus in a work of Homer, you demonstrate undying loyalty by
sleeping with as many people as you possibly can. But in your heart you never give
consent! This creates a strange quandary of what love really means to you. On the
one hand, you've loved the same person your whole life, but on the other, your actions
barely speak to this fact. Whatever you do, stick to bottled water. The other stuff
could get you killed.


Take the Book Quiz
at the Blue Pyramid.

I'm Alone...

Human existence is one of loneliness. We are forever surrounded by people--people who love us, people who hate us, or people who are just indifferent. Yet, at the end of the day, we are alone. By that, I don't mean being left alone, deserted to the cruel clutches of fate or anything so dramatic. I just mean that no matter how many people are around us, we are isolated in ourselves--limited by the body to never experience what anyone else has experience in quite the same way; and limited by our minds to never think exactly as anyone else thinks. We exist in a bubble that will only admit one body, one mind and one soul (if you believe in souls, that is!) and nothing can really penetrate this bubble.

In fact, I think that the whole of human society is built around this. Man wants to escape this sense of loneliness and one way to do so is to surround himself with other humans who again exist in bubbles. The same goes with the whole concept of love, marriage, commitment, etc. People just need to feel that there's someone who can remove them from that bubble and give them company. And so the whole concept of love and relationships of any kind becomes so important.

So everytime this feeling of oneness is threatened, man reacts in the most violent and primitive way possible. That's why religion and patriotism are such touchy subjects and turns ever the most rational minds absolutely unreasonable. The circle of humanity surrounding them--either in the form of people of the same religion or of the same country--is being threatened. And this circle is very important to keep away the sense of loneliness. So obviously, a primal fear triggers a primitive reaction.

This also explains the abundance of conflict in any society. Every human is isolated and no matter how sympathetic a person can be, no one can really escape the confines of their bubble and enter another person's bubble. So no one truly understands what anyone else is going through. And so people start quarreling.

At the end of the day, the undeniable fact remains that we are alone in everything we do. Does this seem to pessimistic and cynical? Well, I am pessimistic and cynical. Or maybe you just can't see what I see from your bubble!

Tra la la...hmm mm.... la la la LAAA!

Awesome weather! This, I feel, deserves a separate post.

It's been a looong time since chennai was overcast and cloudy like this. It's cool, with just the right temperature and humidity. It's put me in such a good mood that not even sounding like a weather forecast can stop me from humming!

Hope it pours. Maybe that's asking for too much, but hey, I can hope, can't I? Well anyway, enjoy the weather. It's too good to last long, I'm sure.

Hmmm mmm... la lala... tra la.

:D :D :D

Blog the Third

Well I've gone and done it this time.

Hmm. Only after I typed that out did I realise how that sounds. Anyway, too lazy to hit backspace now.

It's just that I've started another blog. My third blog... four if you count the git blog too. This one will be quite regularely updated I think. It has all my favourite lyrics. You can find out more for yourself. Go see now. Shoo.

Oops. Almost forgot the link. Here it is. (Clickety click!)

Like a bad penny...

I'm back! :D Yes, like the proverbial penny, I have managed to find my way back home without getting lost, much to the dismay of my sainted sister who loses her exclusive rights to the comp, the music and generally everything. Well, nothing lasts forever, as the cliche goes!

The trip to Kerala, needless to say, was great! I got to see some really beautiful places--backwaters, hills, lakes, china nets, etc etc. It was great, especially because I had a friend to yak with all the time.

And yes, my toddy dream did come true! You are now reading the blog of a veteran toddy drinker. Well, maybe that's overstating it a bit (but then, I always overstate things, what d'you expect?) I had a couple of glasses of toddy and it was fresh so not really alcoholic anyway. But yes, in my book, that's pretty good, thanks! I didn't get drunk or anything, I'm ashamed to say.

Unfortunately, I'm not in a very writey mood right now so really not going into any details.

Did I hear sighs of relief? Ha! You're not being let off that easily.

I'll be back.

I'll think.

I'll type.

You'll read.

I'll laugh. Mwahahahahahaha!

Goodbye, cruel world!

Er... well, not exactly.

But it's just that I'm going away for the summer!

Er... well, not exactly.

I'm going away for about 10 days to God's own country, and while I doubt both his existence and his non-existence, I'm sure any sensible God would create a pretty awesome place to call his own. What's more, I'm going with a friend so it ought to be even more fun! And, oh, the food! Yum!Sigh, will be back as fat as... something really fat (too lazy to think of a good similie).

This means no updates for a while. There there, don't cry! It'll be alright.

I'm sure I'll be missed. If anyone contradicts me on that statement, I'll be very very angry and we wouldn't want that, now, would we?

Anyway, buh-bye! Have fun and don't be naughty. :D

Semester's End

Today I wrote my last exam, finished my last working day for this acacdemic year. I'm sure this is when I should get all retrospective and start spouting great philosophy about life and all that, but all I can come up with is:

YAY!

That's just a reflexive reaction of course, to the end of the year. I'm sure I'll be bored brainless n start missing my friends before even a quarter of the summer is gone. Most of them are going to various exotic summer retreats, leaving me to fry in the Chennai summer heat :'( Waaah! Not fair!

To think about it, the year hasn't been such a trial that I feel relieved that the summer holidays are here.

Well, college was... not anything unexpected. Probably because I didn't really have any expectations. I've enjoyed my course... in a relative way, as compared to school. Lit hasn't been a disappointment though I think the more interesting papers are in the next four sems. I can't really say if I've learned anything new, though. Hmm.

As for other fun stuff. Well I've made some awesome friends, learned a lot of things about people in general and also about myself. That sounds kinda corny but it's true. I can claim confidently that I've learned a LOT, apart from academics. (I'm not going to share the little pearls of wisdom with the world. I'm greedy, gonna hoard them all.) I'll just say that it's been good. I've found some new friends, lost some old ones. I've met a lot of interesting people and best of all, I've discovered the joys of blogging! It's like a world of its own, all by itself.

So thanks people, for both putting up with me, reading and commenting on my blog and also for giving me so much to read about.

Guess this entry has turned out to be for all my fellow bloggers!

Weird...

Fave quotes...

Well, this is another bit of cheating but not out of desperation. I really wanted to put up my all time/current fave quotes. They're really mixed up--serious one mixed with the funny ones--but love 'em all! :D Haven't included poetry though. That would make it too long (it already is!) Well enough preamble...

A mirror
keeps me honest.
With your eyes I see me
doubting my sanity.

-Rini Mukkath

And did you exchange
A walk on part in the war
For a lead role in a cage?
-Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here"

We're just two lost souls, swimming in a fish bowl
-Pink Floyd "Wish You Were Here"

If blood will flow when flesh and steel are one
Drying in the colour of the evening sun
Tomorrow's rain will wash the stains away
But something in our minds will always stay
-Sting "Fragile"

But my God woke up
On the wrong side of his bed
And it just don't matter now
- Oasis "Little by Little"

Let them eat cake
-Queen Marie Antoinette (when told that the people had no bread)

By the time this is over, I'm gonna need a whole lota serious therapy. Look at my eye twitchin'!
- Donkey from "Shrek"

Hold the phone.
-Shrek

I want my Miranda rights! You were supposed to say I have the right to remain silent! You didn't say I have the right to remain silent!

Donkey! You HAVE the right to remain silent! What you lack is the ability!

-From "Shrek 2"

The sky resembles a backlit canopy
With holes punched in it
- Incubus "I Wish You Were Here"

He who laughs, lasts
-Unknown

If I ever met myself, I'd hit myself so hard I won't know what's hit me.
-Zaphod Beeblebrox, HHGG

The Universe was created and a lot of people were unhappy.

For a moment, nothing happened. After a moment, nothing continued to happen.

-HHGG

When angry count four; when very angry, swear.
-Mark Twain

Civilization is a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.
-Mark Twain

I don't question YOUR existence.
-God

I am an agnostic pagan. I doubt the existence of many gods.
-Unknown

Do unto yourself what others would not do unto you. Enough said.
-http://meghalomania.com/

"Hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It's like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die."
- Native American Saying

"Together we can rule this world. All I need is your obedience and submission to my will!"
- Dr. Who

If you're parents never had children, the chances are you won't either
- Unknown

"Books are fatal: they are the curse of the human race. Nine-tenths of existing books are nonsense, and the clever books are the refutation of that nonsense. The greatest misfortune that ever befell man was the invention of printing."
-Benjamin Disraeli. (NOTE: Reading addict that I am, I don't necessarily agree with this. Thought that it maybe had a glimmer of truth in it.)

Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take but by the moments that take your breath away
- From "Hitch"

"It is only possible to succeed at second-rate pursuits -- like becoming a millionaire or a prime minister, winning a war, seducing a beautiful woman, flying through the stratosphere, or landing on the moon. First-rate pursuits -- involving, as they must, trying to understand what life is about and trying to convey that understanding -- inevitably result in a sense of failure. A Napoleon, a Churchill, a Roosevelt can feel themselves to be successful, but never a Socrates, a Pascal, a Blake. Understanding is forever unattainable. Therein lies the inevitability of failure in embarking upon its quest, which is nonetheless the only one worthy of serious attention."
Malcolm Muggeridge, 1965

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months
- Oscar Wilde

Kill 1-20 and you're a Murderer
Kill 30 - 1000 and you're a Terrorist
Kill 10.000 - 20 million and you're a Conqueror/Dictator
Kill everyone and you're God

"Arguments are to be avoided; they are always vulgar and often convincing." - Oscar Wilde

"The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift." - Einstein.

Farnsworth: These are the dark matter engines I invented. They allow my starship to travel between galaxies in mere hours.
Cubert: That's impossible. You can't go faster than the speed of light.
Farnsworth: Of course not. That's why scientists increased the speed of light in 2208.
- Futurama.

On a universal scale our little corner of creation is a mere dimple on a pimple on a sand flea's nut, insignificant.
-PsychoticEpisode, Sciforums.com

HEHEHEHEHEHE!

HAHAHAHA!

Ahem... For those of you who were frightened by the insane sound of laughter, I apologise. For those of you who were only mildly surprises/leaning towards irritation, well... Sorry again. That wasn't me laughing. Or rather, not the usual me. Now listen closely. Hear that mad laugh again? See! That wasn't me! I'm innocent.

That was this boring, uptight, librarian-types person in me. I call her Ms. Perfect. Not that she's perfect or anything. She just likes perfection. She likes to see everything in perfect order. And for this reason, she absolutely detests me! Why, you ask? Well, picture this scene. She's humming away to herself, thinking about life and how things are so--well--perfect. Then, I walk into my room and she starts screaming! She says, look at that mess! Pick up those clothes! Arrange those books! Cover the computer! Put away those cd's! Put all those loose scarps of paper in the dustbin. Speaking of which, eeks! Empty your dustbin for pete's--or anyone else's--sake! Now this is all pretty uncomfortable for me, especially since, if you remember, she's saying this a few hundred decibels higher than normal speech. Shrieking, basically. And in my head, to boot! Actually, I don't get what all the screaming is about. She sees the same mess everyday. It's not like it's surprising or anything!

Anyway, me, I don't bother with her rants and raves. I lie down, pick up a book, blast some music (which also drowns out her voice). It's not easy living with her. She has a similar fit every time she sees my bag, which has some very interesting things in it. Well, not so interesting, come to think of it. What I mean is that, my bag usually contains, besides books, pens, and other college-related paraphrenelia, some very interesting answer papers, in terms of irrelevant-crapping creativity. However, these remarkable pieces of illiterature are soon beaten to pulp and lie at the bottom of my bag, doomed to eternal indecipherability. Well, whatever it is, they basically give this woman--Ms Perfect--the creeps.

And let me not even get started on how she reacts when she sees my stalwart charger, best friend and general means of transportation, my bike. (Well, to be precise, it's a scooter but then--shoo! Sorry, that was Ms Perfect taking over for a moment. :D ) Well, where was I? Oh yes, my BIKE, covered in dust, water stains and blessings from my dear avian friends who surround my dwelling place. Well, even I admit it's not a pretty sight and I'm too darned lazy to wash it!

All right, I see now that in my usual scatter-brained way, I have meandered and wandered far from my original sentence. Which was--reading back and counting the number of ha's--HAHAHAHA!

Yes, that was Ms Perfect, for once sounding merry... well, more like insane actually. But before I digress even furthur, I'll tell you why. She's happy. And why? Because she just woke up and saw my blog (a little frown and a "hmph" of irritation from her at the way I began the sentence--the whole because because is a conjunction bit, but who cares?) Well anyway, she saw how I'd beautifully organised my links and all that. I mean, separated my general favourites from the more literary kinda stuff. And, gasp! Arranged the links in alphabetical order instead of the usual haphazard first-come last-appearance order. Yes, she's happy today.

OH! Heaven save me! Now she's getting vague notions about getting me to clean my room, clear my bag, wash my bike and organise my computer! What have I done?!

NOTE: No, I do not suffer from Multiple Personality Disorder. No, I am not ashamed of being a slob--too lazy for that. And no! I did not write the post dots and dashes--it was her, I tell you, her!

Idle Thoughts Vol. II

Some random thoughts that seemed to be fighting to get out of my head. What better way than to put them down in my blog?

The blank page can be pretty intimidating. Sometimes, I just sit with a blank page in my hand and keep staring, willing my mind to stop wandering and focus on forming thoughts, words, sentences that make sense.

Sometimes there are people screaming in my head. They seem to be trying to get my attention. I start suspecting that I'm going mad, then realise with a jolt that the voices aren't in my head but people around me. And yes, they are trying to get my non-existent attention.

Relationships are funny. Sometimes you try not to say something that you know the other person wouldn't like to hear, skirt around any such subject and end up saying the thing that would irritate that person most, thinking it's the best thing to say. And in the end, you realise that the thing you were avoiding was what the person wanted to hear most.

Life is all about conflict. We are always in conflict with something or the other. Starting from nature, to the government, authority, enemies, rivals and friends, it is impossible to find someone who doesn't face conflict. If anyone manages to avoid these things, by some miracle, they will most probably find themselves in conflict with themselves.

When I don't sleep well some times, I hear voices and arguments in my head the whole of the next day. Is this because I'm mad--a distinct possibily--or is it just half-forgotten dialogues from movies and books that my mind remembers due to some subconscious crap? I think this is possible to because last time the whole Marvin and the Mattress scene from somewhere in The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy ran through my head. The matress even flooped and all that.

Weird... But hey! Dain bramaged... That's me!

Carpe Diem

I just realised something. A grand revelation, if you will. An ephiphanic one, even. No, I havent found the answer to the meaning of life, the universe and the mystery of the little green men under my table. And sorry, no medical miracles. It's pretty simple: seize the day!

I've always been the cautious kind... for longer than I can remember. I always think things through meticulously before doing anything. Instinct and spontaneity totally lose out to my left brain. While this may sound like a good thing to some people, what it essentially means is... I'm boring.

Then I realised something. Yes, that was the grand revelation, the epi--well, you get the idea. Life is pretty short, cliches aside. In fact, we're born astride the grave as someone (Brecht, I think, any ideas?) said. The whole of life is how we fill up that gap between birth and death. At the end of it all, wouldn't anyone want to fill that gap in a fun, interesting way?

To me that would be learning to let go of caution for once and just take a wild jump off a cliff, hoping it wouldn't be such a steep fall after all. Once in a while, it's good to just let go and see what life throws at you. You might be concentrating so much on avoiding the pitfalls that you might also miss the perks! Aren't great oportunities for fun and happiness worth a few bruises and scrapes?

This doesn't mean abandoning all sense of self-preservation, of course. One would still want to look out for those serious problems that are so easy to find. But for now, just grab life with both hands and take control! Who knows, it might bring something totally unexpected and wonderful! And if it doesn't, you could look back and say that at least you had the courage to try rather than sit and wait in safety and never discover if the thing you waited for even existed. Seize the day! :D

Am I Mad?

I have asked myself this question many times. I've lost count of the number people who've asked me this question. And those who have answered it with a decisive YES!

Yes, I admit I am strange. I have strange habits. Such as a previosuly mentioned mania for punctuation. And such a suspicious mind that I often seem paranoid even to myself! And... ahem... there is the little matter of my blog. I am sure many of those who have read it have left with an impression of a distinctly unsound mind.

Well anyway, if you know me you should be able to answer this question. If you don't, then please don't base your answer on this little patch of webspace. As my blog title hints, my other side is much more sane.

Oh, and in answering this question, please don't bother to be honest. HeheheheheHEHEHE!

Good lord! I am mad!

Crap

Crap. Nuts. Bullshit, even.

This, ladies and gentlemen and those of the neutral gender, is uncreative crapping. Which happens to be the direct opposite of the creative crapping that went on today in my Creative Writing paper. This is much more bearable, believe you me! Well, sigh, can't force creativity. My blog(s) stand testament to this fact, I believe. But I'm not giving up hope yet! I shall persevere until I can persevere no more--i.e., when they nail my coffin shut/cremate me or...gasp! When they take away my computer. NOOOOO! *Runs screaming*

I wiiiiill be back. Astalavista, my babies! ;)

Feminism...

Delicate topic, probably stepping on a lot of toes here so I'll start off with a disclaimer.

The thoughts expressed below (such as they be) are my own. I do not expect you to conform to them. I do not judge anyone with conflicting opinions--I respect your opinion. This is not an attack of any strain of philosophy except maybe some hypothetical alien ones. However, heated discussions, arguments and mild fist-fights are welcome! :D Other than that, as someone I know would say, "Peace out....!"

I'm female.And as anyone who has known me for even a short while would tell you, I'm a feminist. I'm not ashamed of it, nor proud of it. I just am. And I believe lots of women claim to be (and are) to a variety of extents. I'm not a rabid one, not a spineless one. Somewhere in between. Or so I think. I don't hate men. Someone once told me they thought I did and this baffled me. I asked around and many people seemed to think the same thing. So I start off saying this. I don't hate men. I dislike some things about them but find me one person who doesn't like the something about the opposite sex and I'll find you a vella kakka (for the slang illiterate: white crow)! :)

But one thing I'm sure of is that I'm a feminist to some extent. What I don't understand about some women is that they claim to feminists yet are unwilling to give up the comforts that go hand-in-hand with the demand for equality. Take the example of buses. A lot of women--including some feminists--expect a man to get up and give them a seat if the bus is too crowded. The same applies to opening doors and pulling out chairs.

Women of this age are trying to break the shackles of ages of discrimination against them based on a puny little chromosome. Yet they accept these so-called signs of "chivalry" as their due. Is a woman incapable of opening a door for herself? Does she who, when alone, is able to do these little things and more by herself, suddenly find herself incapable of a task that requires less IQ and muscle than a toddler's?

When I state this, most people argue saying that I'm being too pessimistic and unnecessarily negative about the whole thing. It's just a sign of caring, they say. Don't women like to be pampered? My argument is that, sure, it's a sign of caring. Very sweet n all that. But how come women aren't expected to do the same for men? Or do you mean men don't like to be pampered?

It's also the same with men paying for all the dating expenses. Seriously, we're not in the middle ages. Women /girls get as much salary/pocket money as men/guys. So why is the guy expected to pay the bill? This is the height of unfariness! Men are getting a pretty raw deal, aren't they?

But then one may argue that lots of things work as men want them to so maybe women do deserve these perks. Well, these are the very inequalities feminism claims to want to abolish. Then why support them?

The Gits

The University Gits are currently a group of 9 (and growing!) students belonging to a certain university. Or rather college. They are united by their wackiness and the place where they sit. A lot can be said about the university gits. But I believe in letting things--and sometimes people--speak for themselves (read: I'm lazy). So go see their webpage. It's new so please forgive the lack of info. Lots of updates can be expected and looked forward to in all eagerness.

Oh and I wouldn't be surprised if some of you find an irritating git named SirGit very familiar (hint, hint).

Long live the mighty Gits!

The Silence of the Blogs

Until I started blogging, I didn't realise how difficult inspiration is to come by. In the pre-blogging days, I was blissfully ignorant of the difficulties writers of any kind face--even bad ones!--the mysterious, gloomy, dark, frightening plane of consciousness (otherwise called the writer's block)! While many people claim that no such thing exists and, that in essence, a writer's block is simply laziness, I have this to say to them: not bleddy true!

Obviously these individuals have never written a creative paragraph in their life unless we're talking about the "creative crapping" that goes on in exam halls. They have probably never exerted themselves to think and transfer those thoughts (such as they may be) to paper/the screen. In other words, they suffer from perenial writer's block, and "laziness" by their own terminology.

It's either that or they are supremely gifted and eternally inspired by every little stone or piece of plastic or old smely socks or rotten vegetable around them. This is a possibility, although my instinctive response to this goes in terms of not bleddy likely!

To get back to the long-forgotten point... I, in my ignorance, merrily started my own little blog--with a great fantasy that marvellous pieces of literature and humour would come pouring forth from my fingertips! I managed to find inspiration quite often the first few weeks and even months. But then...

But then! Ah, my dear friends... then, tragedy struck! Besides becoming overly dramatic, I also found that I had, quite simply, nothing to write about! Well, sure, there are lots of things I can write about. But who really wants to read endless accounts of my daily routine--which hardly changes--or the weather--which they can read for themselves from anywhere anyway!

And this was the exact point when I started feeling that I had to write something or my blog would die of shame or something. I tried desperately, but all to no avail. And in the end, I cheated. Yes, I confess, I cheated! I added little things like a comic strip, a shoutbox, a visit counter, a superhero test result, etc.

And the final, most shocking cheating that I've done...is this post! For I have turned a lack of inspiration into the subject of an entire post. (Pretty devious and clever I thought but dont expect anyone to share the opinion. The world never recognises genius, after all!)

So here I stand before you, with bowed head and guilt-laden shoulders. I have cheated. I have tricked. And what do I have to say for myself?

NOTHING BLEDDY MUCH!

SHOUT!

I've added a shoutbox to my blog. It's on the right hand panel if you didnt notice! Please leave messages there if you want to. Click on "get one" at the bottom of it if you want one for your own blog.... Have fun!

Idle thoughts...

Every once in a way I wonder, as every human with too much time in their hands does, why are we here? No, I don't mean the Internet, though that is an equally puzzling question (hmm... interesting... but that's another story for another post). I mean... why are we here, on earth, living. The meaning of life, the universe and everything, if you will. What's the point of it all? We live, eat, speak, procreate--or not--, laugh, cry and die. What is the point of it all?

Maybe as unborn foetuses we were aware that it a sheer pointless existence awaits us outside the mother's womb. Perhaps that is why we are born kicking and screaming.... We are aware of what we are getting into. But later we forget. Some of us forget to such an extent that we begin to think that there is, in fact, a huge "purpose" for our existence. That we actually are meant to do something.

Perhaps we are. Sometimes I think that humans evolved (or were put on earth, depending on what you believe in) to destroy it. I mean, maybe we are meant to destroy the earth, like a virus. Maybe the Earth is just a single cell in some unbelievably huge animal. But then again, is that logic talking or the Ego? The need to have a purpose for life. We cannot accept that we are just a piece of conincidence, created and destroyed by the same coincidence.

The human ego is the fountainhead of all our beliefs. I think I lifted that from somewhere... Ayn Rand or something, but it's true. All our belief systems are based on an overblown perception of ourselves, a strong belief--or perhaps wishful thinking--on the superiority of the human race. We are presumptuous enough to talk of a greater Being and imagine narrow mindedly that we were fashioned after such a Being and that It can, in fact, be defined by shallow human terms.

The highest expression of human Ego is the belief that all our insignificant little activities are actually important to anyone but us. But when you think about it, we humans are the freaks of nature. We go against almost every rule of nature. Yet we consider ourselves superior to all other forms of being. We call ourselves intelligent and speak of that intelligence as something precious when in fact it is the root of all destruction on earth.





GASP! Take a breath Jan. Man, I hate getting all philosophical and thoughtful but these thoughts have been stewing in my mind for sometime so they needed an outlet. I guess my blog was the best place to dump them. I was just interrupted in the middle of writing this and when I came back I realised how...I dunno... stupid all this sounds. But then, it's my stupidity so I don't want to delete it when I immortalise it in the world of the internet.

Basically, I havent written anything in a while. Really wanted to put up something. So pliz excoos!

Calvin... yet again.

Ok, bill watterson is probably gonna sue me or something.... But couldn't resist!

Spider... Hmmmmmmmmm

You are Spider-Man

Spider-Man 70% Hulk 65% Green Lantern 60% The Flash 55% Robin 53% Supergirl 53% Superman 50% Wonder Woman 48% Catwoman 45% Iron Man 45% Batman 30%

You are intelligent, witty, a bit geeky and have great power and responsibility.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Quiz

Unanswered questions

At some point in life, all of us go through a phase of sheer madness. To me, these phases are a regular phenomena. A brain child (or brainless child) or one such mood of mine is my new blog, "Life's Unanswered Questions" (TADA! Trumpets, please.) Please check it out here
Enjoy having your dain bramaged.

With lots and lotsa love from me!!!

Dots and dashes

There's something about punctuation. I read a lot and most--almost all--these books have perfect punctuations. They are all punctuated, italicised, aligned and presented in the proper manner. I guess my eyes are used to properly proofread text. And that it why, I state in my defence, I'm so finicky about punctutation.

A page of print with incorrect punctuation, spellings or any kind of error seems to drive me crazy. My hands itch to grab it, edit it and throw it back from whence it sprang! And this is kind of inconvenient, especially when people ask me my opinion on anything they've written. This doesn't happen a lot but we generally swap stories in my creative writing class and you can imagine how disconcerting it must be for a budding--er--creative writer to be criticised on how many dots ideally go into an elipse--three--and how multiple exclamation marks are a huge no-no for writing. So, I am forced to keep my diplomatic silence and struggle to look beyong the mundane--the world of proper punctuation--and into the deeper plane, that of the actual matter written.

I guess I'm one of those rare indivuiduals who are not irritated overmuch with the Grammar and Spelling checker on Microsoft Word. Of course, I agree with most people regarding how irritating the message "Fragment. Consider revising." can be. I mean, sometimes you want it to be a bleeding fragment. But oh... I love auto-corrects which turn double hyphens into emdashes and single hypens into endashes. And replace-alls are so wonderful!

I'm sure I've just revealed what a lunatic I am from the above. I mean, who obsesses over puntuations? Who really gives a damn what the hell an emdash is? But again, I defend myself that everyone has a pet obsession and this is mine. Who doesn't? Let me see a show of hands? Wasn't there a guy who obsessed over his coins? Silas something? And what about... hmm... oh, yes! What about dogs who can't sleep or even lie down without circling the ground a couple of times? Never mind that the first was fictitious and the latter is an animal. It illustrates my point well enough. I'm not neurotic or kooky just because I believe that all your i's should be dotted and your t's crossed...literally!

If you're still not convinced, fine! I am a kook. But at least I'm a well-edited kook! Now how many people can claim that? Mwahahaha!

Time...

We humans have created a lot of traps for ourselves and we seem to revel in being caught in them. One of these traps is time. Man is the only animal which is obsessed with keeping track of and measuring time. All our lives are built around one kind of time table or the other. We have scedules that we feel we must meet or the world will come to an end.

Do we do this because we need to feel special or important? Man is at constant war with nature, no matter what ecologist and environmentalists try. It's not so much a struggle for space as it is for power. Man knows that nature is thousands of times more powerful than he is. He may be able to maim and conquer it today, but the inexorable hand of time will prove yet again that man is just a part of a whole that is still supremely controlled by nature.

Which comes back to time. By trying to control the little slice of time, man is able to delude himself that he has some control over the world at that point. But isn't this is just an illusion? No matter what, man's influence is only temporary, in the big picture. Sure, we've changed the face of the earth, but for how long? How soon is man going to kill himself off or end all life on earth? But no matter what man does, the earth itself will not change. Life will go on even after man is long gone and not even a memory of him remains. Nature will revive life even if the earth is just a toxic dump when man is through with it. At least cockroaches or some such resilient creature will remain.

But while man lives, I guss these illusions are necessary. After I'm done writing this, I'm going to look at my watch and make sure I have enough time to get ready to go out. I am going to be enslaved by the need to mark time as much as anyone else. That today is saturday and tomorrow is sunday is going to matter as much as ever.