WHY

(DISCLAIMER: This is a serious one, so just skip if you're not comfortable with serious things... I'm not going to try to be flippant and humourous. This is important to me.)

Why do most human beings feel this need to impose their will on others? They feel everyone must toe the line of their expectations and opinions. It's such bullshit. What do these people want? Imagine if everyone did conform... Their perfect world of "acceptable" behaviour would be... mind-numbingly boring, with absolutely no variety whatsoever! Imagine if no one thought differently... There would still be oppression based on caste in India and based on race in some other countries... We would still all be forced to conform to a religion, whether we like it or not, or pay for non-conformity. Indians would still be subjugated. There would be no freedom of speech. No freedom of expression. No freedom of thought.

So why are we still trying to get people to do what is acceptable to a certain majority?

I have seen this very often. The minute someone does something different, there's such a huge opposition to it. Ok, off the top of my head... Homosexuality! I can't count the number of people whose reactions to homosexuals range from mild discomfort to wild opposition. I have no bone to pick with the mild discomfort camp. Sure, we've all been trained to think in a certain way from childhood and the idea of homosexuality may make them uncomfortable. Fair enough. Now how about shutting up and keeping your opinion to yourself? What absolutely pisses me off is people who go around saying "It's unnatural!" blah blah blah. Well, it exists doesn't it? That means nature created it so it's NATURAL! And then there are those people saying it shouldn't exist, it's wrong. Oh, wait a minute. I think I missed something... Who died and made you judge of what is right and wrong?

I just don't understand this need to tell everyone how to live. I mean, how does it matter how two consenting adults do their business? Is anyone forcing you to do it? Are they hurting anyone, physically? (I'm not talking about people 'hurting' puritanical sensibilities!) Then, HOW DOES IT MATTER? If you're gonna talk about rape and stuff, tough news, it happens regardless of sexual orientation. So I think it's best to set aside these silly notions that infringe on other people's freedom to be who and what they are... We are all free human beings... But we can't choose our sexuality, it's inborn. And even if we could, why should we choose something just so that society will feel COMFORTABLE?

Oh, I'm not done yet. Another case of stepping outside the norms: Feminism. I have witnessed how people react to feminists, both in real life and otherwise. They are faced with great antagonism in general and in movies they are portrayed as stereotypical male-haters with short hair, either unmarried or divorced. The minute a feminist opens her mouth there's this change in the atmosphere... It gets all charged with self-righteous anger from other people, like she's a freak who's disturbing the peace. Why is it wrong to stand up for rights? I mean, what modern feminism is about is basically individual rights, the freedom to be what you want to be, regardless of your sex. So if I, a woman, want to not have children, am I a freak? Don't I get a say in what I want to do with my own body? If I don't want to cook, clean AND work AND take care of my family... if I would prefer to be the 'conventional' housewife who stays home and doesn't work, can't I be that and still hold on to my individuality? If I am a man who prefers to wear pink and loves flowers, can't I make that personal choice without being judged? Or if I feel I'm not happy with my gender, can't I just change who I am? Or should I slog through life, working to keep society happy (like it can ever be happy!) only to end up being a miserable person?

Why do we all have to toe that invisible line? Why do we have to follow these unwritten rules even when they make no sense?

How many of you are wondering if I'm homosexual or a feminist right now? How many of you are judging me?

...But you know what? I don't care! :)

Should I Be Worried?

The other in a drama-writing workshop, we were asked to look back and think of a "crisis" or a turning point in our childhood that changed who we are today.

I thought... I scratched the A4 sheet with my pen... I turned those little lines into meaningless doodles. And all I discovered was a penchant for cartoon faces, leaves, lips and black-and-white alternating patterns!

I couldn't think of a SINGLE incident that stands out as changing who I am, making me what I am today. This is something that really disturbed me because everyone seems to have one incident--happy or sad--that changed their life. What does my not having one mean? Am I... shallow? Too complacent? Or worst of all--BORING?!

Not that I wish a childhood trauma upon myself, just so I have something to write about. But c'mon, how am I going to become a famous--and more importantly--RICH writer if I don't have that "something" that'll haunt me all my life, drive me first to writing, then to drinking, smoking, drugs, indiscriminate sex and finally to death! How will I face the literary world? How will I support myself (consults a previously mentioned list)--LEGALLY!

Sob... oh woe!

Ah, forget it. I'll just... traumatise myself now. Better late than never, eh? :D

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Now playing: KT Tunstall - Throw Me A Rope
via FoxyTunes

P | O | W | E | R

Those really sappy songs say that the world goes around on love--or words to that effect. Now, I have nothing against sappy songs but I really beg to differ. I think it's power that makes the world go 'round. Think about it... every human interaction is based on power. Starting from governments to your average boy-girl relationship, it's all based on power.

Every conflict clearly proves this, because if you dissect every conflict to the basics, it's about power. Think about everyone's favourite 'War Against Terrorism'. Even if it had simply been what it purported to be (which I very much doubt), it's about "You're killing of people everywhere" which leads to "You're killing off people in my country" which leads to "You're killing off people who voted for me and who are my supporters" which is basically talking about "ME ME ME". You're challenging my authority and power. So it's a basic You Vs. Me struggle.

Now, the above illustration maybe very obvious. So, different situation. Two girls get into a fight over a guy that they're both attracted to. They've never spoken to him, it's not love at first sight, but they're still quarreling over this guy cos they both want to ask him out or whatever. Notwithstanding the... silliness... of the situation, perhaps, it's still a power struggle. It's a I-deserve-better-than-you-cos-I-AM-better sort of thing.

And as for LOVE--which you might think is the end of this whole power theory--well, as for love, I think love is the final and ultimate power relationship. I refer again--really, not disparagingly--to sappy songs and poems. Love is not about caring and sharing and marriage and being together forever. Well, maybe on some levels, but it all leads to the same thing. Why do love someone? Usually because they love us. And if someone loves you, you have the power to hurt them. Hmm, do I see eye-rolling and you're-being-cynical looks? But think about it. If what you did to someone wouldn't affect them at all, they would be neutral--and that means they don't LOVE you. Forget hurting. How about making someone happy, even a little bit. Wouldn't you feel that a relationship with a friend/parent/spouse-figure/child/sibling's going nowhere if you could neither hurt them nor make them happy?

Let's also look at the so called "selfless" parent-child relationships. From the point of the view of the parent, it's the "this is my territory" thing again in a different level. From the point of view of the child, it's also the same thing.

What about unrequited love then? Some people go on loving someone even after rejection, heart break and plain despair. Why? I think they're saying, "Ok, reject me if you want but you can't stop me loving you. I have that bit of power in this--I can feel however I want to, you have no say about it." It's could also be a little bit of the martyred feeling that gives them a sort of high.

Are you horrified that a human being could be so cold about it? I'm sure there are millions of arguments against this stand of mine but I think there's a grain of truth in it. That's why human relationships seem meaningless at some point or the other. We all allow a little bit of the truth to shimmer through--that we're all, ALL selfish deep down.

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Now playing: Farhat Bouallagui - Desert Rose
via FoxyTunes

Chennai Day Special - Total Rant: Tree killers!

What is the ugliest, most obscene sight I have seen in recent times? You perverts out there may put away your mental images. I just meant the sight of beautiful, strong trees in their prime having their roots exposed to the sun.

This is in protest of the government-sanctioned tree killings that have been going on recently on G N Chetty Road. This used to be a beautiful tree-lined avenue and just entering it on a hot day, you could feel the temperatures drop at least a degree.  But recently in the name of PROGRESS (don't make me laugh!) at least 10 trees have been slashed down. For what? To build a frickin' FLYOVER. What it all boils down to is this:

The bloody traffic police don't care about controlling traffic, making sure rules are followed. Oh but wait, they do! But only when their finances are low and they need so ready cash. Then they'll stop people for all reasons, take their money and send them on their way. If you're wondering where this is leading, let me attempt an explanation. So, basically, these idiots can't maintain discipline and so traffic jams up like crazy. And what do they do? No, they don't make sure people don't do idiotic things like jumping signals, respectiong "stop" lines. No, they decide to build a flyover which will only encourage more rule breaking and traffic and create horrible bottlenecks and snares in traffic (Gemini flyover being a prime example). Oh, but that's ok... All that's going to be wasted is the tax money of fool citizens who cough up. And oh, as a sidenote, a bunch of green-and-brown props on the side of the road. Trees.

Murder. That's what this is. Am I being melodramatic? Good! I don't give a damn. People just need to get melodramatic about things like this. Forget the fact that these trees, tall, lush and majestic have taken DECADES to grow (eyewitness accounts, thanks to my family that's lived in T Nagar since forever), fighting against impossible Chennai summers, putting up with graffiti and disfigurement, etc. Forget the fact that trees actually have life and as much rights to live as a human beings. Forget the fact that trees are fricking scarce in chennai! Let's forget all that and be the usual materialistic, self-centred human beings and come down to practicalities. These trees give SHADE. Now that's essential in blisterin' ole Chennai. And hello?! Are we forgetting things like oxygen cycles, ecology and global warming? What happened to all the environmental awareness? This is EXACTLY why the human race is doomed and is also sending the rest of the planet to its doom.

In college, the dear central government has added to our already heavy workload with a core paper called Environmental Studies. As I said before, don't make me laugh. Cos I might just get hysterical (as if i'm not now!). Talk about irony!

Smug.

Studying literature is brilliant. As I keep saying, I am so glad I didn't decide to study something like engineering or medicine or history or even psychology. I'm not saying this out of some sort of reverse snobbery (well... maybe a little), but out of sheer genuine gladness. I doubt anything could be so immensely satisfying as reading a Shakespearean play or a beautiful poem, dissecting it, examining the pieces and then putting it all back together and discovering with awe and wonder that it is even more beautiful than before.

Take modern poetry for example. When I stepped into the first year class, I had some quite decided opinions on it, based on some poems of Nizim Ezekiel (who I still detest, by the way) that we were prescribed in school. This can't be poetry, I'd decided. Where are the beautiful rhyme schemes, the rhythms, the structure that pleases the eye? But somewhere between Arnold's Dover beach and Eliot's patient etherised upon a table... somewhere in Hughes' amazingly clear imagery and through the quiet beauty of Harjo's poetry, I fell in love and have not gone back. Now I find myself drawn like never before to the poetry section of Landmark.

I still don't know why the building I live in is built in a certain way. I have not the foggiest clue about calculus and what little trig I crammed is long forgotten. I have embarassingly little knowledge about many important things in life. But I doubt any other discipline would have helped me discover the wonders of Kant, the obscurity of Hegel... How every opressor must one day be opressed, what goes around comes around... How Jung is perhaps unfairly overshadowed by Freud and how Indian writing in English is not as boring and depressing as I thought it was... How there are more greys than either black or white in this world... How humans are humans whether they lived in Ancient Rome or present-day India... How everything in the world is a great, huge, amazing, dizzying circle. So all I have to say is...

Studying literature is brilliant.

Parody #4: Under Ambattur Skies

Well here it is... the first edition of the Terrible Ambattur Parodies. These were created via that most mystic medium: back-and-forth-smsing between me and my fellow stalwart Ames
You have been warned.Enjoy! :D

Under Ambattur Skies
(Sung to the tune of Behind Blue Eyes)

No one knows what it's like
To be the dusty girls
To be the dirty girls
Under ambattur skies

And no one knows what it's like
To be itchy
To be scratchy
Under ambattur skies

But my bus is not as empty
As my copy seems to be
I have hours before I get home
My bus is grimey and never free

Honestly!

How important is honesty, really?

I don't mean the not-lying-to-your-friends type of honesty. It's not even really a moral question. I mean honesty to yourself. I've always thought it was essential. But lying to yourself is such a comfort. Sometimes you need to have certain illusions about certain people and situations in order to be happy. You might know it deep inside that what you think--either negative or positive--is not really true. But we bury this knowledge sometimes in order to love or hate a person in peace. So if the thought slides to the surface, is it ok to push it away? Is it ok to lie to yourself?

Or am I gonna wake up one day and realise that a whole set of my beliefs are--or maybe even I am--actually no more substantial than a breeze?

Yelagiri

Here are some pics I took on a recent weekend trip to Yelagiri. The place is damn beautiful. Not (yet) a hot vacation getaway so it's quite fresh.

Will shut up now and let the photos do the talking

Tête à Tête...

Looming Skies...

The Path...

(Pic by Vaish ^)

The Half-hidden Gate...

Duckies!

(Pic by Vaish ^)

View from Heaven...

Morning Smiles...

Dawn

Checking out the view...

(Pic by Priti ^)

Can't have too many sunrises!

Reflections...

Waking up to this view

That's some caffeine addiction!

Highway overload!

Speeding home...

The sun sets...

Well, here it is!

... My penny's... er, paisa's... worth. Since my fellow interns (try all three words) have all spoken about this rather grim(ey) month (grim for me at least ;) [nah, not really]), I guess this is my cue!

Hm so well I really won't go into details. Trust me, they're really boring (even to me!) especially cos it was (gasp!) an educational experience. As a result of this, I have:

...become more confident about bus travel

...seen more of the city than I ever thought i would

...realised what exactly dust, heat, unfamiliar company (til they became familiar, that is!) and an untterly amazingly charmless part of the city can do to your morale! (hey, did i say city? wow, so ambattur is actually PART of the city. Hehe. please ignore the cattiness!)

...started to acknowledge the number pad on the right corner of the keyboard does, in fact, exist! (long story cut short: a weird MS-DOS-based word processor, unlearning all Word techniques and several VERY frustrating hours of actually getting work done!)

...learned that hunger can actually make all swill taste like amritam

...realised that friends of the same wavelength (aka Ames, Bentley and Pyne) are absolute TREASURES!

...Discovered that journalism, thank you very much, is definitely off the "Maybe This Can Be A Viable Career Option When I'm Desperate For Money and Independence" list. (Becoming a world-famous writer, robbing a bank and kidnapping bill gates for a large ransom are still on, you'll be pleased to know)

...learned all about the properties, whims, extremely cooling nature of SWEAT and how it's really not God's premature revenge on an agnostic.

...shed some kilos (sob!)

...learned that there is a light side to everything... especially dust, which is so light that a tiny little baby breeze can make it rise and settle... on people!

... discovered my skills at creating truly terrible ambattur parody songs (will spring those on the unwary later... *evil look*)

...felt relieved that my social skills are still just hovering at the zero level.

...realized WATER EEEES GOOOOOOOOOOOD!

More later then...

How romantic! :P

Which Major Romantic Poet Would You Be (if You Were a Major Romantic Poet)?

You are Samuel Taylor Coleridge! The infamous "archangel a little damaged!" You took drugs and talked for hours, it's true, but you also made a conscious choice to cultivate the image of the deranged poet in a frenzy of genius. You claimed you wrote "Kubla Khan" in an afternoon after a laudanum, when you pretty manifestly did no such thing. You and your flashing eyes and floating hair. And your brilliant scholarship and obvious genius.
Take this quiz!








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And so

Life moves on strangely. One year ago, you're sitting in the same place, doing the same things. Endless, meaningless activities. "Hi", "Goodbye", "Awesome", "I love you", "Dammit". Meaningless phrases that you use a million times.

Yet you're so different inside now. You aren't and can never be that person who sat there and said and did the same things as you do and say now. Every minute, this complex, confusing and evolving entity that is YOU keeps changing.

You look for stability. That's very important. As is being constant. And dependable. You try to keep your morals, your opinions, your life, on one track. What a ridiculous notion. Yesterday you thought that metal wasn't music, just noise. Yet today, you tap your foot to the rhythm, the music that your ears suddenly discover. Yesterday, the opposite sex was something mysterious and vaguely disgusting. Today, the opposite sex remains mysterious but disgusting? No.

Stability? Don't make me laugh.

No matter who you are inside: a liar, a philosopher, a woman, a leaf, a musician, a thief, a poet... No matter who you are, be faithful to those notions of dependability. Be constant. Make yourself what you were yesterday. And so, fool yourself. That's all right. As long as you don't change.

Lying to the only person you have always been with from birth is all right. Go ahead.